My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
