I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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