you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
