I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
