This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
