i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
