I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
