remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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