Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
