i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
