# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
