If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
