I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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