yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
