That's when you crack a 10am beer
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
