she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
