Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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