I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
