I wanna bring you to show and tell
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
