the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
