A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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