You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
