I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
