You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
