And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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