shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
