How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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