Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
