walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
