The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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