I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
