Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
