Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
