it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
