every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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