So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
