hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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