If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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