My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
