Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize