I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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