You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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