I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
