I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
