my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
