Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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