Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
