I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
