thus making me awesome and them whores
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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