i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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