Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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