White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
