If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
