He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
