How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize