wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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