he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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