Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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