The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
