We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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