party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
