You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
