It's a beautiful day for a hangover
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
