I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
