I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
