K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
