So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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