Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
