he wants to bone in the snuggie
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
