I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
