I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
