i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize