Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
