so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
