dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
