i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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