took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
