guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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