the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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