My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
