I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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