having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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