My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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