So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
