Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
