real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
