my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
