I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
