my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
