I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
