At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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