Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
