My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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