1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
