Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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