I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
